I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
