I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my being single is dangerous.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
