Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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