My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
