peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
