i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How's work?
Spinning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
