So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
