i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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