I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think i got beer on your cat.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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