i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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