I am puke
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
