Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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