Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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