I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
