bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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