I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
