It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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