I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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