we're chasing vodka with high fives
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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