My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
