He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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