Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
