yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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