I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
