put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
