Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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