i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
