So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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