i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
