You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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