I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
