DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
