how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
pray to the hookup gods
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
