i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
