No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
