Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
