9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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