Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
