Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
