we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And then my night got REAL pukey
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
