I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
