when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
