Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
