I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
