I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
