Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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