You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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