Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
