he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You made out with two different species that night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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