Jerry, you need to find god
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
