I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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