you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
