Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Did I show you my penis last night?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My breasts were aching with rage.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
