let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
