when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
