I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
